Chalcea,
I'm in the car outside your house. It's 8:20 and I haven't started driving yet.
I got here around 1:30 and we went straight to the bedroom. I'm not going to write around that. It's what happened and it was a wonderful day.
But the part I want on the record is the part in between.
We stopped, and you put your head on my chest, and then down on my stomach, and you were kissing my belly and you moved over to my hip and acted like you were about to bite my hip bone.
I told you that's a hot spot.
Not the obvious kind. Like a neck, or an ear. The kind that's very intimate without announcing itself as anything. And I told you that if we're out in public sometime, around other people, and you put pressure on my hip bone, that would land instantly. It would say something only the two of us understand.
You asked me for the others. I said no. You have to discover them.
And then I told you about January.
I still can't quite believe I did.
V and I went to the bookstore the week of her birthday. There was a woman up on one of the levels doing readings, and she asked if she could do one for me. She didn't use cards. She just asked to hold my hand.
She told me I have the gift of growing. Not plants necessarily, though she said it could be that too. She said I have an energy that causes growth in whatever I put my focus on. Which, for me, was solidifying. That's the word I'd use for it.
Then she said I was at the end of a cycle, and that life was about to feel a lot different. She said the beginning of my life experience was a lot of hard stuff, and that I was coming into a season where it would feel like good things are attracted to me. That there would be an ease about life I haven't experienced before.
Then she asked if I was single. I said yes.
She asked if I'd ever been in love. I said I don't know for sure.
And she said: you're about to be. Your person is coming very quickly.
She said I wouldn't have to work hard. That this relationship was going to be easy, and filled with love and adventure.
That was January of this year.
Other people started walking up, so I told her I was there with my daughter and asked if V wanted a reading too. V gave me the look. The one that says you really want me to talk to a stranger. She wasn't in the headspace for it, so I thanked the woman and we went to look at books.
We were still on that level, and I was walking the outside of the room because that's where the old books are. When I came all the way back around and got near the stairs, she stopped me.
She asked me if I work with land.
I said I don't know. Like what do you mean.
She said, do you want land? And I said sure, kind of. I wasn't trying to give her anything.
And she said: you're going to have some land.
I said something like, that's cool, thank you, and I walked off. I took the whole thing with a grain of salt, because who thought I would ever meet someone like you.
So now I'm sitting here wondering if there's land on the way too.
While I was telling you all of this, your eyes were the biggest heart-shaped googly version of themselves I have ever seen.
I'd hinted at this story early on. I told you I'd tell you one day.
The reason today was the day is the thing you told me last night about your art teacher, and the two of us having the same birthday. Because the other thing she said was that when you meet your person, you'll know them by the synchronicities.
At the time I thought, okay. Well, duh, kind of.
I didn't think this was actually going to happen. I never thought I was going to be in a relationship again.
And here I am with the biggest smile on my face all the time, laughing at myself, going: you're so dumb. You're so dumb to think that it was over. That there wasn't more.
I'm supposed to be writing these entries down. I do think all of this is important and I want to be able to look back and read how it actually felt to live inside something like this.
And it's hard. Half of today was the two of us staring at each other with big goofy grins, kissing and then breaking to say I really like you, I really like you too, I'm addicted to you, you are addictive, it feels so good to be next to you, I could stay here forever, I could look at you forever. All the small things that mean we're on the same page.
Writing it down is harder than saying it, because what I want to say still feels too soon to say.
I'm not scared, though. I'm not uncomfortable and I'm not nervous. I know what's in store for us, and I'm standing at the very beginning of it with no proof, watching it unfold.
That is such a strange place to be. It's a fun place to be.
One more thing from tonight, because it was cute and I don't want to lose it.
You admitted you remember exactly when I first initiated physical contact. I assumed you meant Kyle's birthday party. You didn't. You meant the art place, when I touched your arm and leaned in, and you thought, she does like me.
When you asked, I thought you meant a handhold, or an arm around you, or a kiss. It didn't occur to me that you were going back to the first flirty touch. We hugged on our first date, but that's a little different.
All of these little moments in between us have felt kind of big. And I love that you're aware of them the same way I am, and that you tell me when something was a moment for you. That one was a moment for me too.
The third or fourth time we hung out I told you I wanted you in my life in a really big way and I didn't know what that was going to look like. Whether it was going to be romantic or not.
We figured that part out.
But I remember the pull. It wasn't just physical attraction and it wasn't just this person is really cool. It was: I want to be deeply connected to you, and I have no idea how you go about that with someone who is still basically a stranger. You told me that night you felt the same way.
I've been happy about every step we've taken since. I feel good about how we've approached this. And I'm grateful for the way you meet me, every time, in such a big way.
I've felt this before tonight.
But I really am falling for you.
And I think you're falling for me too.
Noel